Flawed Life: You get what you need....

I remember when I told my husband about a push present. His response was "A What?! You get a baby isn't that present enough?" Uh...no. I want a present. I mean who doesn't? The further I got along in the horrible adventure of cankles, triple chins, and extreme bouts of stabbing pain, the bigger my push present got in my imagination. About the time I couldn't fit behind my car steering wheel anymore is when I felt like I deserved the diamond off the Titanic.

I did help Michael out a bit. I told him I wanted a ring. A modest right hand ring. I used the words antique and vintage. Specifically diamonds. I even enlisted the help of my friend Jenna who has great taste, if not extremely expensive taste. I sent her a about ten pictures of what I was thinking. Nothing too pricey. I But my pre-pregancy body is priceless, and I needed retribution.

My friend Jenna prepped me a few weeks before Lily was born. "Michael was determined in what he wanted to get you." Uh..okay. Does that mean I won't like it? All she could respond was "I tried." Oh crap. Seriously? My poor husband. I admit I picked out my engagement ring. The exact one, but we shopped for what I liked prior to proposal. He has no taste. When we registered for wedding gifts...everything was white. Why? Because he has no taste. None. We couldn't agree on anything. So white it was.

So when the big day came,  Michael handed me a ring box while I was holding my little girl just hours after a day's worth of labor only to be cut wide open. My enthusiasm wasn't what it was the months leading up to the day. I was exhausted. Both emotionally and physically. I guess I didn't give the best reaction. I was not myself. I opened the box and looked at the ring and my heart sank. This was not anything close to what I wanted. Not. even. close. A pearl ring. Many thoughts ran through my head. Does Michael even know my taste at all? I am going to kill Jenna! I wouldn't say I hated the ring. I think the right word was disappointed. I had formed such a clear picture in my head of what I wanted. Unfortunately so had Michael. I didn't even get why he picked a pearl ring. Why was he so dead set on this?

Although Jenna had warned me that Michael had been stubborn the emotions of the day prevented me from hiding my disappointment. When I opened the gift Michael was so proud of,  he could tell immediately I did not like. But I tried to put on a happy face and thank him like a good southern girl. But I failed miserably. He kept pushing and I finally admitted it was fine, it was just not what I had wanted. I was disappointed. I should have just smiled and not said anything. But I hadn't slept in a day and a half. Not that this justifies it. Apparently I am just a brat. But then he explained. Well this is Lily's birthstone. Oh....well aren't I a piece of crap. He had picked out an emerald one just in case she was born in May, and a pearl one for June. He was so proud. I was such a piece of crap.

He offered to take it back and exchange it and I declined. He had worked so hard and was so proud. If this is what he wanted to symbolize the birth of our baby girl then this is what I was going to wear. Even if it had been gold bling in the shape of a dollar bill sign I needed to put my big girl panties on and be grateful. Amazingly it looked fabulous on me. I have really big fingers for a girl. I wear like a size 8. It is insane. It took us a lot of shopping to find an engagement ring that didn't look like a spec of dust on my ginourmous hand without getting a ridiculous amount of carats. But this dainty pearl ring looked really great. I started getting compliments wherever I went, people admire it frequently. Michael had it engraved with Lily's name about a week after she was born. I wear it almost as loyally as my wedding set.

Then last month the pearl popped right off the top of it. Luckily Michael has bought the replacement plan, so they took the ring to reattach the original pearl and called me to come pic it back up. I felt naked for a week! When I picked the ring up they had incorrectly repaired the ring, and I had it sent back. I went another whole week and when I went back they had scratched my pearl trying to correct the damage from the first repair. My patience was getting thin. Now they had to replace the original pearl with a new one. I wasn't happy. The manager came out and told me they were just going to order me a whole new ring for my troubles. I found myself tearing up. I don't want a new ring! I want my ring! This one. The one that my husband gave me the day my daughter was born. The one that has her name etched on the inside close to my skin and my heart. I think the look on my face and the tears in my eyes let him know this was not an option. Needless to say the ring has been sent back for a third time for repair. It has been nearly a month without my ring. A month of nakedness. I have tried to fill the void with other cutesy rings but it is not the same.

So there you have it. The ring I barely wanted, that I kept out of guilt and loyalty to my husband became one of my prized possessions. A symbol of the life I gave my daughter and of the love we share. A symbol of my husbands pride for what I provided to our once family of two. Sometimes he surprises me and knows me better than I know myself. Although he might not always give me what I want he always provides me with what I need.