Flawed Life

Flawed Life
August 5, 2009

I got the idea to start a new feature on the blog about how in general we as parents do all the things the research (aka society) tells us not to do. By doing these things we show our flaws as a parent. Does that make us bad? Does it make us unfit? Everyday I demonstrate my lack of perfection by letting Lily watch TV while I prep dinner, cursing in front of her when I bang my pinky toe, or forgetting diapers on a trip to the store to be followed up by an explosive diarrhea episode. Everyday I justify it to make myself feel better. "It's only Sesame Street" and "She is too young to understand" and the best one "Everybody does it occassionally."Yes all these have happened to me, and yes Lily survived them all.

But then I started thinking. It is more than just being flawed as a parent but being flawed as a person. I am a full time mom, a full time wife, and a full time employee, a full time friend, a full time daughter, aunt, sister, cousin, etc. etc. With everything full time isn't everything really part time? How many times have I neglected Michael or a friend because these days I have to sacrifice day to day things to make my world go round? My new feature will focus on these issues. More importantly it will focus on the fact that it is okay that these things happen and we are not alone in forgetting to call our best friend on her birthday or realizing the only time we have to relax is the three minute shower we get each morning. Maybe if we all took a step back we would realize it doesn't make us unfit it makes us normal! So hopefully this will help me and you let go of some of the guilt we feel when we get irritated that we can't get through an episode of The Office without somebody needing something from us.

Hey it's Flawed, but it's life!


Flawed Life: Terrible Twos vs. Sickyface
Arpil 8, 2010

I had a rough parenting week. Do you ever have those weeks? The ones where you realize how people can beat their children. Not that I would....but I see how it happens. I thank god every time these days come that I have another, if not better, half to pass Lily off to. I don't know how single parents do it. Yes I have done the step away approach but that doesn't stop the fit that just moves you beyond hands reach. All I can say is I have a whole new respect for single parents.

Everyone has their breaking point and I have been known to have a short fuse. My breaking point with Lily is tantrums. I just can't stand it. Every time she gets into a crying fit I feel my blood pressure boil and my patience shorten. Now if something is wrong there is a biological response that kicks in that turns off my pressure and extends my patience. I don't know what it is! How does nature do it? But crying because I touched her Play-dough box sends me over the edge. AAaggghhh!

I swear the kid had a two hour tantrum a few days ago. How can you scream, kick, fall, hit, and cry for that long? How does she still have a voice? Her eyes were so puffed up she could barely open them. You know what set her off? Applesauce. She wanted applesauce. Seriously? TWO HOURS! HALF A DOZEN TIME OUTS!!! This is why I will be gray before my time.

There has been a lotta bitch slapping in my house this week. All performed by Lily. I feel like a slapping/kicking bag. NOOO! :Slap: NNOOOO! :Kick: Which has led to a lot of time outs.

And naps and bed time? HA! No more setting her down and peacing out.

Lily: NOOOOO! I PLAY!
Mommy/Daddy: It is night night time.
Lily: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
:Kicking, slapping, screaming:

Although she is still sleeping through the night. But where it took us ten minutes to put her down last month it is now at minimum an hour process.

I will say the counting helps me keep my cool. I am very stern and consistent with my counting. 1-2-3 TIME OUT is becoming a frequent phrase in our house. We have transitioned her time out spot to a wall/corning facing stance. Previously we were keeping her in the crib. But as her fits have gotten more dramatic and spirited I don't think the crib will hold up much longer! And she is hiking her leg up on the rail now. So I am starting to question its safeness.

Have we reached the terrible twos? Do I want to even attempt to have another child. Yesterday my answer was hell to the no. Have you lost your mind! No more babies for me.

That is until I got a phone call yesterday from daycare. Lily had a high temperature and I needed to come get her. Wait? Has she been sick all week and I didn't know it? Did I put her in time out because she was sick fussy? Oh crap. There I go being a crappy mom again. Have my Mommy senses failed me? When I got there she was all puppy dogged eyes and snuggly like I was the only one that could make her feel better. Okay maybe we will have one more.....just one. When Lily is 18...okay 30.

I'll give her a break until she starts feeling better. But I am sticking to my story that we have hit the terrible twos. Hey I am going to do what I gotta do to sleep tonight. Where is my sweet angel princess? I want her back STAT! Actually I just want to stop feeling like a horrible Mother since I have zero patience.

Better luck next week I guess. I will write this week off as a FAIL! And I heard the three's are worse! This is why you should have your kids close together. Before you realize what you are getting yourself into.

Disclaimer: No children were beaten during the creation of this post and no applesauce was consumed.

Flawed Life: Why I am looking forward to Potty Training!
March 25, 2010

Yes that is crap....Yes it is disgusting. 

Flawed Life: Would you like some slober with that?
March 16, 2010

Lily is quite the little helper. Just this week she was helping me put the dishes away. After removing all the knives I let her hand me the silverware one by one to put in the drawer. I admit I was half paying attention at first but when I turned around I saw her sweetly picking each fork (or spoon) out of the tray. Once she retrieved the fork she promptly put it in her mouth, ate the imaginary food off of it, and then handed it to me to put away. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Each one: Retrieve, Eat, Hand-off. As if each one had a different flavor.

I then had to pull each one out to rewash.


 
Flawed Life: Hot, Hot, Hot
March 13, 2010

As I mentioned in my previous post, Lily is in a hurt stage.  But not always is she 'hurt' when she says she is. She still doesn't understand certain feelings such as itchy, burns, brain freeze, etc.


Today we went and ate Mexican food for lunch. While dining at our local restaurant Lily decided to indulge in the chips and salsa. She loves to dip so this should keep her happy until lunch arrives, right?

Crunch, Dip, Crunch my little girl is eating away. Then she went from completely quiet, straight faced content to:

:mouth wide open in panic:
AGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGHGHGHGHGHG!!!!!!
:frantically grabbing at tongue:


The whole restaurant looked. I guess she didn't realize the salsa was spicy.....

She then picked up another chip and chugged along.

Flawed Life: Not so Happy Birthday to you!
February 16, 2010

To be honest...I have not been myself lately. I have been a little down. Not sure why. Maybe I am lacking a project or a sense of direction. I don't know. I wasn't excited about my birthday at all this year, which is really unlike me. so maybe that is why it sucked. But why ponder the reasoning of a woman? I don't have that kind of time. Instead I will entertain you with an email I sent my girlfriends this morning describing my birthday.

Hey Girlie,

Thanks so much for calling me yesterday. Sorry I didn't answer the phone. I kinda had a rough day. So of course on all days I find out I didn't get the new writing oppurtunity yesterday via email. Blah! Then after shopping for a week for me all Michael could come up with to get me was a 20 dollar target purse that I pointed out to him a few weeks ago. I mean seriously? I know I told you not to spend alot but a little surprise? Then I go to Old Navy to buy myself something and my freaking ON credit card gets declined because I started getting paperless statements and missed the bill they sent me last month when I changed my email. The bill was 23 dollars. The late charge is 20 dollars. Now I have a 43 dollar bill for a cheap shirt. Embarrassed and price raped I left to head home.

Then most people didn't even bother calling me. I mean seriously what a crappy day.

But anyway Michael did get me a cold stone cake which was yummy, but I had to wear a girdle to get into my pants this morning. I seriously want to stab myself in the eye right now. Deep breathes it will get better....I mean at least I am not thirty yet.

Love,
Stephaine



Flawed Life: Car Woes
January 25, 2010

My friend Brooke laughs at me because sometimes it seems we have the worst luck. 2009 was the year of the leaky ceiling caused by a pinhole in the bathtub, another leaky ceiling (right over the previously fixed ceiling) due to an overflowing toilet, exploding bowls and scared floors, falling in Kmart parking lots, and many other Eads mishaps. But it helps to look at the humor. Even if it is after the fact.

So yet another reason life sucks sometimes.

We paid off our "family vehicle" early last November. Not extremely early but about six months early. It was a plan to help up stick to our new 2010 budget goals. I was so happy to be down to one car payment. I saw breathing room from daycare payments, bills, and just life. We have been fairly lucky with this car and besides tires and oil changes had only dropped about 1500 dollars in maintenance on our 2003 Pathfinder.

My 2010 plan was to pay my car (you know the adorable, and gas efficient convertible that I bought a few months prior to Lily's conception) off by November 2010. This would be really early for this car. About 2.5 years early to be exact. That way when Baby #2 graced our lives we would be down to zero car payment and could shop for a larger family vehicle and maybe just maybe retain my convertible that I sometimes claim I love more than my stunningly handsome husband. But only during the months of April to September. The rest of the year he is number one in my book!

But alas the best made plan goes awry every once in awhile.

Once we paid off the car in November we immediately had to put it in to get new tires

:Cha-Ching: $1000

The week of Christmas it started messing up due to engine sludge (You are imagining those car commercials where the totally relaxed family is sitting on the couch chilling before WHAM! they get covered in sludge...that is us right now).

:Cha-Ching: $300
In January after only 900 miles the same problem arose.
:Cha-Ching: $2000
WHOOOOOAAAA! That is were I draw the line. I finally had enough. So we only got $500 dollars of maintenance done to try and solve the problem. With the agreement that if this doesn't work the car is going bye bye with a quickness. It is really not in our budget to get a new car this year, but that is usually the way it goes. We cannot keep dumping money into the clunker though. If I knew we could drop $2000 dollars and it run for another year or two it may be worth it but at this point I think we are spiralling down a drain of repairs.
Meanwhile we were down a car for a week. Carpooled for a week. All. Three. Of. Us. I think I should mention I don't like to talk in the morning prior to my daily caffeine intake. It was rough.
But while our car was in the shop and we only had my convertible to get us by. Once again. All. Three. Of. Us. In. My. Tiny. Car. I went to do my weekly Sunday grocery shopping. I gladly took Lily with me. Got her bundled up...it was raining! Got in the car. Stuck my key in the ignition. Turned the key....
Nothing.
Not even a click.
Seriously?
Well my battery was dead. But of course we didn't have another car to jump it off. Luckily our neighbor was home and graciously jumped the car off fairly easily. So I let it run for a while to get it charged up and ready to go.
Went grocery shopping. Came back out. Got in the car. Stuck my key in the ignition. Turned the key....
Nothing.
Not even a click.
AGAIN??? I CAN'T FREAKING TAKE IT!!!!!
I reach for my cell phone, fuming but almost on the edge of tears by this point thinking how we were going to be car less and get fired for not coming to work, and then become homeless....yes I know a bit crazy. But this all happened within a two week time span. A woman can only take so much.
But of course my cell phone was no where to be found. Oh wait yes it was...on the counter at home. So I unload Lily, consider taking the carton of ice cream out of the trunk and eating it right then but resist and head over to Papa Johns to call Michael.
By now it is pouring, my ice cream is melting, but Michael comes to get us with the neighbor. Thank god. It took about twenty minutes to get it charged up. Twenty minutes of a monsoon! But we got it started.
We took it to Advanced Auto and it ended up being a bad battery and nothing major just bad timing on this emotionally exhausted mom. And it was still under warranty through them so score it was a free replacement.
We finally got the Pathfinder back last week and we are back to happily commuting separately, with my cup of soda to keep me company. But I have to admit I miss riding with them in the morning. Just a bit....
We may have to do a carpool a couple times a week, just for old times sake.




Flawed Life: Naked Baby
January 6, 2010

Last night after Lily's bath, she escaped the bathroom and ran down the hall butt naked saying "Naked Baby Naked Baby" our affectionate nickname for her post bath. She ran right into the play room and into her new playhouse.

Lily: "House House Naked Baby House" Dancing all the while.

:PppppppppSSsssssssss:

Lily: "Uh-oh Pee Pee Uh-oh Naked Baby House uh-oh"

Then she ran out of the house.

Gives a whole new meaning to the word outhouse huh? It has been a crazy, yet funny week with her. I was rolling. Hey at least it wasn't on the carpet.




Flawed Life: I just threw up in my mouth
January 4, 2010
This weekend I decided to be nice to my husband and give him a haircut. We normally do this outside or in the shower for easy cleanup. It was cold so the shower it was.

I am cutting along all the while keeping one eye on Lily. She is going through the drawers and playing with my makeup. But then I look back and she is gone.

:Splash Splash:

WTF?

I peek around the corner and she is full on splashing in the toilet water.

"NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Lily stops. Looks at me. Sticks out her tongue.......

Then licks her hand.

:Gag:

I suck again.

FLAWED LIFE: WISHY WASHY RSVPer
October 27, 2009

You know what parenthood has brought me? Becoming one of those people I hate. You know the ones. The ones that RSVP to your wedding and don't show after you paid 50+ bucks a head IN ADVANCE! Or the person that you invited over on Saturday and they told you they would let you know on Friday night if they were coming.

Seriously how could I have let this happen? I am better than this. I now let Lily's "mood" decide what we are going to be doing this weekend.

Case in point. We were invited to go Trick or Treating with our friends the Bakers on Saturday. Then we were invited to not one but TWO Halloween Parties. I want to go to all three. I have yet to tell any of the hostesses if I am coming to any of them. Even though they have all asked and the most I can give them is a "Maybe?" :Sigh: I suck on all levels. Because I know just because I "want" to go doesn't mean it is going to happen. What will most likely happen? We will go Trick or Treating with the Bakers for the fun kids stuff and then she will pass out and the adult parties will be adios and gone with the wind.

But I swear I won't do this for your weddings.....there is more than a bowl of pretezels on the line for that.


Flawed Life: Flaming Dryer!
October 10, 2009

Last week I stayed home one day because I had a funky virus. To help with the guilt I felt for staying home I decided to try and get some things done around the house. Mainly laundry. Oh boy what I could have avoided if I just would have kept my sick butt on the couch.

So I get up to check if the clothes are dry. When I open the dryer I see a "light" that I don't usually see. Upon further inspection, aka leaning my lazy ass down I see FLAMES! Holy Moly! I stand there bewildered at what to do. Then realize my favorite shirt is in there so logically the most important thing to do is yank it out. Oh wait maybe I should yank all the clothes out.

I am looking down at my clean clothes laying on my not so clean dog hair invested floor and am still at a loss of what to do. OOOhhhh I know I should totally take a picture of this for my blog. No one will believe me! Focus! Do you pour water into it to get it out? They will short it out. I don't own a fire extinguisher. Mmmm maybe I should buy one of those. OH I should probably unplug it! Ewww wait that means I have to get near the flames! Scratch that. What to do What to do.

Oh call Michael he always knows what to do!

I should mention that this thought process is all occurring while I am standing next to the dryer that still has FLAMES in the back of it.

TURn THE BREAKER OFF! I AM THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD! So I run out and do that quite pleased with my ability to think under pressure.

By the time I get back in the house the flames are out. Crisis averted. Call Michael...Check. Google causes...Check. Facebook for suggestions... Check.

Apparently you need to clean the lint out of your back grate every once in awhile. Yeah I have been doing laundry for fifteen years and no one ever told me that. No I don't mean the lint trap but the actually back spinner thingy.

When Michael gets home he assesses the situation and gets his dandy screwdriver to tackle our lint problem. I mean that is his job to put out fires and do all the gross stuff I refuse to do.

I leave him to his tools and proceed to climb back on the couch for a little Glee. Fast Forward twenty minutes and I mosey on back into the laundry room to find...

The back, top, and front of the dryer all unscrewed and lying on the floor.

Steph: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!
Michael: Steph, you can't get to the grate from the back like I thought and you have to take off the sides...blah blah blah (I quit listening.)
Steph: Didn't you see the three screws on the grate that pop it off???
Michael: Oh

:Sigh: How do men make it through day to day life without us? But it gets better. Because he has unscrewed every possible surface on the dryer it now needs to reassembled. That is always the tricky part isn't it. You take it apart put it back together only to find a random piece lying on the floor when your done. Only to discover the piece was not so random.

Michael puts it back together and then starts it up.

CLUMP CLUMP CLUMP

Well that is not right. Take apart put back together. Restart

CLUMP CLUMP CLUMP BBEEEEPPPPPPPPEEEE Que screeching dying sound and then.....

DEAD SILENCE!!!

Yeah I am going to kill somebody. This is my only thought. This is why I can't have a personal handgun. Because in situations like this I would kill my husband. The frustration is too much so you drink a beer and start over the next night.

To sum up this story he fixed it after having an epiphany about gravity and how with the washer on its back it wouldn't be working against him. I think I should give him credit that he remembered this and ultimately figured it out in his own special way.

And my dryer is fixed and drying clothes as we speak.

And no that is not my dryer in the picture but in the google search to find it I did learn how to make a do it yourself flame thrower.

Flawed Life: Why I am Happy...FOR MYSELF!
September 3, 2009

Now that my friends have all come out of the closet about their pregnancies I can be shameless and tell you all why I am so freaking happy that someone else is joining my pain. And by pain I of course mean the wonderfully, fabulous, roller coaster of parenthood. I was so happy I almost wrecked and killed us the car when she told me. This probably makes me a horrible person.... but I am honest if nothing else.

Michael and I married young by my standards. I never thought I would want to be married as young as I did. But alas I wanted it more than anything and we tied that knot when I was a baby of 23. I surely never thought I wanted to have a baby when I was 26. Seriously? But alas this is just another sign of my impatience. I was exuberantly happy when we found out about Lily and then decided hey lets pop out all the babies before 30! Ha!

Yet there are things I felt I gave up for the sake of starting a family. Like my life. No really. I feel like I neglect my friends and forget to call my parents. Social Life? Hah! Don't get me wrong our friends are crazy about Lily and try so hard. Our dear Alden's graciously accepted when we asked them to be Lily's Godparents. Although we have yet to get her baptized as Meg so often reminds me! I know they all love her....but....people just don't understand! Or maybe they do which is why I feel left out so much. Why would you invite the baby couple to a wine festival or to the concert in the middle of the week? I wouldn't! Well I would but then I would laugh and say SUCKER and hang up immediatly! But our friends are way nicer than I am. We try to not let the family life hold us back. We busted the Pack and Play out at the Bauer's last year for New Years. Then Michael chased Dave around for 30 minutes trying to steal the noise maker and hide it. All the while feeling guilty that we were the old people being party poopers about the horns because she was sleeping. We finally gave in and let her join the party and the Bauer's have yet to find that noise maker! So we try but....

There is a lot of stuff we can't do because we have a one year old. We were some of the first to have a baby so no one feels our pain. We don't have a lot of babysitters and the nights we do need a babysitter it is to hang out with the people that are the sitters! See the dilemma? All of our friends can still go to smokey bars and not eat dinner until nine o'clock and have parties that go on until midnight...okay 2AM....okay 4AM. They can tailgate starting at 10AM and stumble home to pass out. Or better go visit our other friends and do stuff we just can't! They fit into vehicles and don't have to ride by themselves, and they can hang out and just talk without making sure their child doesn't electrocute themselves. Us? No way! We need to be eating dinner at the latest by seven. By seven we have already dealt with two baby meltdowns because we should have ate at six, and have been giving her cookies to make her stop screaming in the res truant while we wait. We have had to take two trips to the bathroom to change a diaper, wipe up the puke because she ate to many cookies and then go immediately home and get her to bed before she gets her second wind and we are up all night while she just screams. And we have a good child! We have so much stuff in our SUV that it is a struggle to get our own brother in and to our parents house for a weekend let alone letting a couple ride with us. But would I change it? No freaking way. I love every minute of it...okay 99% of every minute. I leave the 1% for the self doubt. Minus the doubt, life with Lily is awesome. I of course grab onto to every free moment of time to squeeze in the long ago pleasures....like a haircut.

So why I am I insanely happy for myself? Because I feel a change! I see family activities like putt putt, BBQs, picnics, laser tag, trick or treating, holiday parties that start before 10PM, all of these in our near future. I see people going through the same things Michael and I have been through in the last year and being able to offer some help where we had none. Not for lack of trying...but nobody knew! My poor sister had so many phone calls from afar just asking WTF?! is this "thing" I am seeing. (My niece is a month older than Lily so at least we learned together!) I see myself getting to hold little babies and remember what it was like because it feels like ions ago. I see baby showers, and belly rubbing (only if you ask first!), and shopping for all the cute stuff. I see babysitting and friendships blooming. I see Lily being a little ring leader and sitting around playing school or house, and of course being the teacher or Mommy because "I'm older!" I see future Sunday dinners, and prom dates, and high school sports games. It is going to be freaking fabulous! And it all will be here before you know it.

Why am I insanely happy for them? Because they get the feeling that at the end of day skipping dinner, the early tailgate, the late party...it is all okay. Hopefully I can help them see that. Maybe they don't get it immediately. Heck I still struggle with realizing it today. Maybe it takes a year. But it is okay and it's worth it. Not easy...but worth it. We all doubt at times (like in the middle of a mall melt down) and we all get scared (sometimes on a daily basis) but we figure it out. That is the best part. Everyday is a miracle. They get to ride down the road and hear a song that reminds them of the child running around at home and it will bring tears to their eyes. They get to call and talk about all the firsts whether it be the smile, the step, the roll over and that feeling that you might quite possibly have the smartest child in the whole world. Or in the middle of the night when you are rocking the baby and they look up at you and give you a smile that makes your heart and chest feel like it will burst right there. Now they can feel that joy. Joy is the perfect word for it. Because there is nothing like it. Nothing. Everyday is different and everyday is something new.

A change is coming. A change for the better. We all grow up a little more with each passing day. We miss the old days but we look forward to the new days. Now we won't be the cool young couples, we will be the cool parents. And we all know how it rocked to have the cool mom on the block.....and we all know Raleigh Mom's are going to Rock!

Congrats Brookie!


Disclaimer: Other area Mommy's to be rock too (Melissa, Michelle, and Jen)...Just not as much as Raleigh! Haha! You are more than welcome to move to Raleigh to increase your coolness at any time.

Flawed Life: Just Mom
August 13, 2009

This week I missed a hair appointment because I got stuck at work and then preceded to get lost going to a place I have been at least four times. This is my life. I got there and of course she couldn't work me in. I was irate! I have been going to this lady for almost five years and you can't give me a break and work me in? I couldn't even reschedule because I didn't know Michael's work schedule, and what we had going on. I couldn't even plan when I had my next thirty minutes free!

I went back to my car and I admit I cried. That is what I do when I am mad. But as I drove home still pretty angry at her, my sense of direction, the lady that kept me the ten extra minutes at work, the traffic and the lady driving slow in front of me I asked myself what I was really mad about?

I wasn't really mad. I was disappointed. I may have took it out on the lady driving slow in front of me. I may have road her tail a little too close because eventually she flipped me off. In my defense she wasn't going the speed limit on the country road. But I shouldn't defend my actions. It is not her fault I have no time to decompress and hop straight into "Mom" mode when I get home. It is the disadvantage of being the early off parent.

Thirty minutes...that is all I need. I had been looking forward to the thirty minutes of peace for weeks. Thirty minutes of pampering, of someone else fixing my hair. Instead of a night brushing off the one year with one hand and stirring veggies with the other, while the dog is barking at a deer and my husband isn't home at his normal 6:30 after being home for two hours alone already. Just thirty minutes of peace. Thirty minutes of not feeling guilty that I didn't read Lily the story she was handing me because I was sweeping so when she sat on the living room floor she didn't rise up looking like a miniature version of our black lab. Is that too much to ask? So really was it thirty minutes without guilt that I was looking forward too?

I get two hours of uninterrupted time with Lily every weekday afternoon. I regret to say not everyday do I take advantage of that. In fact, more days I don't than I do. Two hours to snuggle and read stories and play outside with her that Daddy misses out on. But most days I am too bogged down with the house stuff, the dinner stuff and distracted with the TV and the dogs, and the phone and the computer. Don't I know how lucky I am? No all I think about is all the stuff I am not getting done.

But I have promised myself I will not do this anymore...okay as much. I mean we still have to eat! Maybe the decompress time I need isn't away from the individual things. Lily. The House. Job. Husband. It is the combination of them all. I need to learn to focus on one and not get overwhelmed with them all. As a new parents we all struggle with how to juggle our many responsibilities. I don't know if we ever learn how to get rid of the guilt and to manage to get it all done.

But we have got to try! So when I get home from now on I am Mom for at least an hour. Just Mom. Not maid, not chef, not auditor. Just Mom. The Mom that chases her little girl around the yard with a water hose, and reads the same Elmo book ten times in a row. Because this is her hour. No this is our hour and we can do whatever she wants to with that hour. And that is okay. Maybe then those thirty minutes of peace won't be longed for quite as much!




Flawed Life: Has my marriage turned to childish antics?
August 6, 2009

My first edition to Flawed Life. More specifically...Flawed Marriage. I always wonder if one day I am going to get a posting on my blog from Michael threatening divorce for devulging too much on my blog...Luckily he loves me! I hope you enjoy and let me know if you think the feature should continue to be a part of our postings...or if it really is TMI! Michael your vote doesn't count :)



I lay in bed wondering what just happened? After a five minute argument involving me saying “no” to love making for what my husband probably views as the millionth night in a row my “I love you” was returned with a raspberry. Yes a raspberry. The childish act we find ourselves doing with our toddlers. My toddler has been doing it since she was about five months old. She always thought it was funny…especially while eating her sweet potatoes. Her raspberries were often answered with chuckles from Daddy and Mommy and in return we would receive a toothless smile. But this particular raspberry deserved no chuckle. Is this what might my marriage has become? When I love yous start being reciprocated with raspberries we must ask ourselves. What came first…The childishness or the child?

I can testify that my husband has grown up quite a bit since the birth of our little girl. Maybe even since the pregnancy. Battling a rough pregnancy of exhaustion that never let up he picked up all the extra house duties that I normally handled. They may not have been done the way I wanted but for once I didn’t push it or maybe I just didn’t care enough at that point to complain. He took care of me and cooked more than I can ever remember. Only occasionally did he snap under the added responsibility, but don’t we all? My husband still fights for those responsibility free days. Whether it is drinking with his buddies, tailgating football games, staying out until two in the morning- he longs for the good ol’ days. The same days I give up willingly to going to bed at nine and reading a good book. Maybe it is something he will never grow out of. Maybe it is a guy thing. Maybe it is why I love him so much.

But I will not defend this action because in my heart it hurt. I know that he really wants the affection. I know I really want the sleep. But as he got out of bed to go downstairs and watch TV I was left mystified. When did it become okay to act like this? The answer? It isn’t. It is never okay! I forgave him by the end of the next day….I admit I hold grudges. The whole “don’t go to sleep mad” advice never stuck in our household. I am pretty sure he stayed mad as well. But we let it go. It is not the social definition of communicating but we both got the hint. Neither of us apologized, because neither of us feel we should apologize for the way you feel. It is your right as a person whether that person be a child or an adult.

The truth is we must grow up. We must learn to communicate, and all of this while we are adding more and more responsibility. I guess the answer to my question is the childishness. For we all once were children. I think we forget that at times. And in times of stress or emotional interactions maybe we resort back to our childish antics to communicate our hurt. But what kind of example is that to our daughter? I am not sure but when I tell her ‘no’ and she responds with a ‘raspberry’ I don’t know how effective ‘I’m telling your Daddy’ will be.

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