Peace. Love. Baby.

>> Tuesday, October 26, 2010

You may remember Nanny Mandy from Tantrum Week. Well she had some feelings about  my Not Ready post. I was actually surprised how many women reached out to me about this post. It really hit home for a lot of people. I got countless emails from people that said they felt the same way on most days. I admit it was a bad day for me and it helped to write about it.

It was wonderful to hear from Mandy and see that she felt the same way as me. Complete. And that she recognized that sometimes plans are out of our control and although we try to plan and plan and plan we sometimes get that extra special surprise.

I hope you enjoy her post below from Peace. Love. Baby. by  Nanny Mandy.

Peace. Love. Baby.

A girlfriend of mine that has a family blog (and basically inspired me to start this one here!) recently wrote about her thoughts on having a second child. And it got me thinking… (Apparently a lot – because this is the longest post yet and I go on off on a few side points. I think it’s a collaboration of three different posts that have been floating around in my head…)

People always want to know about the “Next” thing you’re doing in your life. It’s the polite and at the same time annoying question they ask you. Been dating someone for over a year? – “When are you going to get married?” Been married for 5 seconds? – “When are you starting a family?” Just had a kid pop out of the womb? – “When’s the next one coming along?” All these questions make you want to write ‘NONE of your business’ across your forehead. But it’s not really pretty to decorate your head with a sharpie and people mean well, so you just smile and answer…

The Daddy and I weren’t in a big hurry to get married. We figured we’re in this together thing FOREVER so we might as well make sure we’re good and happy with each other. It wasn’t until after at least 5 weddings we attended together where the couple had been together less time than we had been that I started dropping the hints. A beautiful, intimate beach ceremony took place in 2007 and I’m quite positive we were asked on our honeymoon when we were going to have kids.

We always said we were going to take a big trip summer in ’09 (second year anniversary trip) and make a baby. The fates had a different plan for us and we celebrated our anniversary with a little miracle named Molly instead of a trip to Europe. She entered the world on her precise due date and the day I was proposed to by the Daddy three years prior.

(I think most people that know me IRL know this…) Molly was the farthest thing to being planned. My OB compared my pregnancy to winning the lottery. I think he actually gave me a statistic like less than 1 in 100. To say I was surprised to find out I had a baby growing inside of me is the understatement - well, of my life. Just imagine what D thought…

One makes plans to do these big events of life when you figure the time will be ‘right.’ For us, we planned to have a baby after a few years of marriage, I had settled into a career, and we had saved a chunk of money. I think that’s the big one that we all focus on when we consider kids – Money, because they cost you a big heap of change. Having a child is anything but cheap.

I’ve long given up the idea that we will ever make enough money to fulfill all the plans we’d like to make, because I’m quite sure the balance in the bank will never be enough. I would love to meet the day when I look over at D and say, “Wow babe, we just have too much money. I was going to use TP in the bathroom but I’ll just use these one dollar bills instead.” Maybe if I went back to a full-time job and climbed the corporate ladder or married a guy who didn’t work for the state or actually won the lottery I’d see that day but I’m not holding my breath. Besides, I really like the guy I’m already married to.

Since I decided I wanted to quit my job and spend time with MG while she’s little there’s REALLY not ever extra money around for all the things I wished we could do/buy every single month. Need versus want is very clear.  I’m not sure how it all works out – I actually think it’s fairy magic. Or unicorns. Or creative shopping/meal planning on my part. I’m not sure which. All I know is that being with her makes my heart happy and I don’t care that I haven’t a clue when I’ll get a new something for my wardrobe and we’ll go on a family vacation. It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make and I don’t regret my decision.

I started sacrificing pieces of myself the minute I found out I was having Molly. (Love of wine anyone…? Ask me about that story sometime!) It carried to giving up a full-night’s sleep, having to pee every 20 minutes, gaining 30 pounds, oh and let’s not forget the whole Pain of child-birth part…Then more not sleeping, sore boobs, buying formula, buying diapers, buying mini-clothes – it never ends. And I know it won’t. We’re her parents and she’s always going to need us.

It’s with that need that she has for us and the obligation that we feel to give her the best of everything that we can (Like Target diapers instead of name brand – unless they’re on sale!) that it’s hard to say if/when we’ll have another child. I want to be with the beautiful child I already have all of the time and I’m certainly not going to take a full-time job to afford to have another nugget that I don’t get to be with. I don’t see how that makes any bit of sense.

I think the biggest reason we feel we’re not ready for a second kiddo is because we feel so complete right now. Our family unit feels good. I also can’t imagine trying to manage two kids at this moment. Maybe I We’ll reconsider when we have a child that can completely take care of herself and we’ll feel less stressed about all this “rearing.” There’s a saying that goes “the first child spoils you so you’ll have another.” It’s true – we hit baby perfection already.

I suppose because of the circumstances of Molly’s coming along I don’t figure in the choice side of having a baby. Maybe one day we will change our minds. Maybe we won’t. Or maybe we’ll go against the odds and be awarded with the suprise similar to hitting the “Powerball.” It has happened once before…