I think I am dying...no really.

>> Monday, October 04, 2010

I am pretty sure I have some terrible blood disease that causes me to break out in hives when I get a bad cold. Can you be allergic to being sick? That would be kind of ironic wouldn't it. Ooooo or maybe I am allergic to work? Can you get Short Term Disability for that? I mean I need a vacation. Then when I thought I was better I went to Zumba and it came back. Convincing me I am in fact allergic to exercise. Then my husband tried to make out with me and they came back yet again. Mmmm allergic to marriage? Probably would have realized that by now. So really after that I was out of ideas. I mean I'm no doctor!

But for real this is something I randomly got as a kid and then just like Emeril it was all like BAM! this week and oooo look at my sexy hives. Luckily my moneymaker (aka my gorgeous face...quit thinking about my arse) has stayed unafflicted causing me to mingling among the common folk unnoticed. But let me tell you having an itchy butt is not hot when you are with a client. Have you ever tried to function while on Benadryll? OMG!! There is a reason people shouldn't drive on that stuff. And I was wondering why my EHS officer looked at me weird when I asked for an antihistamine. Apparently you shouldn't be working when you are all doped up. So of course I was responsible and only took one instead of the recommended two. Hey scratch my butt or walk around high off Benadryll. You pick.

So what better way to deal with a funky disorder than to.....go to the doctor? Uh no. My new crappy healthcare has succeeded in making me think twice before going to the doctor. Self Diagnosis of course! Okay how many people have googled a crazy symptom and wanted to burn your retinas out from the images? Yeah that would be my night. Okay I warn you do not google pictures of hives. I am pretty sure I just saw more Vjayjay than Tiger Woods. And let the record show my hives have not migrated beyond my legs and torso region so there was absolutely no reason to see those picture other than to lose my dinner.

But what I did find is a whole community of people with this strange thing that apparently has no name. Just a crazy immune disorder that causes you to get hives when you get ill. Ahhhh its nice to feel like you belong...even if it is just with a bunch of freaky women who have itchy jiggly parts. And even if there is no name for it and I am pretty sure I am probably going to die. Or at least that is what I will keep telling my husband until the entire house is clean, including the kid.

Funny this is the one thing that didn't give me hives over the past week....




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2 comments:

Dana October 4, 2010 at 9:29 PM  

sounds like you've had a fun week!

Billie October 12, 2010 at 9:54 PM  

My husband has the same issue with hives. He never had them growing up though. He got really sick one time and took dayquil and he broke out into some "Don't touch me with a 10 foot pole" stuff. Til this day, if he gets scratched, plays with the dog too rough, etc he will break out in that area. It goes away quickly, thank goodness. So I would suggest to always carry benadryl with you!