Find a Cure for MID

>> Wednesday, February 17, 2010

My friend Nicole over at Fantabulous Faby's is going through what we went through twice in the same year...ear tubes. But as I read her post of the frustrations of worrying about her toddler, I started thinking about mine as well. It seems like eons ago when I too was in a constant state of tension with illness and decisions, and information overload. I feel like I am constantly scared of something for her, which is normal. But it is frustrating. And although at the moment we are not struggling with those decisions it is a situation that is constantly in flux.

Nicole, just like me, is going through what I call MID (Mommy Instinct Doubt). I obviously do not think this is a technical term for the subject but it is what I find myself doing more often than not when it comes to medical decisions, or evaluations, or preschool decisions, basically any decision.

It starts before they are born. Do you want the first trimester screen, do you want the 18 week scan for down syndrome, do you want...blah blah blah. Yes I want it all! Or do I? Constant state of doubt. I have started to tell all my friends to not read "what to expect when you are expecting" because all it does is scare the crap out of you.

Then Lily got her first ear I let it run its course? Do I get another antibiotic? Is she going to get some incurable strand of a staph infection from all the antibiotics? Do I get the tubes? OH MY GOD!

Even after you make a decision you doubt it. We got the tubes and as she screamed after waking from the anesthesia I questioned my decision. What have I done to my poor child?! I am a horrible mother. Then they did a follow up hearing test post tubes and she still didn't fair to well. All that for nothing!?

And then I remembered what I should have looked to (and maybe had and didn't know it) from the start. My Mommy instinct. It usually does not fail me. Like when they told me she failed her hearing test and I immediately got the tubes, mainly out of fear (or so I thought). But really I had been leaning towards the tubes anyway because it was a continual relief that didn't require medicine. I knew the side effects of the medicine bothered her. Then she failed it after the tubes and I panicked. But then I realized that I knew she could hear fine because it never failed to wake her if the dog barked outside at the passing deer. The technician doing the test didn't know my child. She didn't see her hear an Elmo song from downstairs and get excited. They just used some nonprecise method to determine how my child ranked against others. Little did she know the toy they gave her during the excercise was identical to one of her favorites at school. But I knew that.

I remember the time I came home from a bike ride and my mother came rushing out to meet me. She just knew something was wrong. I wasn't crying when I pulled in but when I saw her I burst into to tears. I had fallen off my bike on the way home and was pretty banged up under my jeans and in a lot of pain. She knew, although visually you could see nothing.

So remember to just trust in what we know is there; the fact that we know our kids is the what really matters. And for those Mom's that know something is wrong and no doctor can pinpoint it, keep pushing. Because Mommy Instinct usually ends up being right! We just need to have more faith in ourselves and what we are capable of. No one knows your child better than you....So don't let MID rule your life. Don't we have enough day to day stuff to worry about? Like how to hide a toddler's busted lip in an upcoming family portrait?