Bad Ass Potty Training 101

>> Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Hello my name is Stephaine and I am crazy. I am a mother of a 21 Month old and I am going to start potty training this weekend. I am a bad ass potty training momma.

I know I have been talking big game since January but this is it. Balls to the wall. No diapers starting Saturday. Well except for at night....she is still in a crib.

I feel like a bad ass. I am bucking tradition. I am a rebel. You say she is too young I say HA! They said she was too young to get off the bottle, they said she was eating table food too early, I say HA! They say she will never sleep through the night that young, I say HAHAHAH! You should really fear my awesomeness.....

Okay to be honest I am really terrified. I actually almost threw up in my mouth when I pulled the size 2T underwear off the Target rack. This overwhelming sense of panic consumed my whole body as I went around the store and gathered my supplies. Which by the way rung up at a whopping $130 dollars. WTF! I thought this was suppose to save me money.

But why Steph why?

Because who am I to hold my child back? She is ready. I know it! I will not have Mommy Instinct Doubt! Most of my Mommy friends are telling me I am crazy for starting so early, but my question is: This is early? I guess I just always had the mindset that she would be trained by two. I think it is a mindset. Honestly you have to be just as ready as the child. I know it is going to be a lot of work. Most likely I will be tied to my house for the next few weeks...so if I don't call you, or if you see me out and about and I have a poop smear on my face, please be a good friend and hand me a wipe.

Also daycare apparently is bad ass too. I just asked them to start taking her to the potty like we were and see how it goes. But they said "oh no...we don't half ass it" Apparently. Next week she will have seven changes of clothes delivered everyday for the next two weeks. If she goes it will be in her pants not in a diaper. "We don't do pull ups. It just confuses the kid" Mmmm interesting.

So what is the plan?

Saturday we begin a weekend crash course of the Dr. Phil method. This involves our potty doll (more to come) and a potty party. I encourage you to read this short and sweet article about it. Basically I plan on letting her run around in just her undies all weekend. I am going to go with my friend Katherine over at the Bagely Circus's advice of setting a kitchen timer for every 15-20 minutes to remind us to go a lot and often. This will continue through Sunday and then Monday Daycare is going to take over.
What am I expecting?
A whole lot of pee and crap. Everywhere.
Washing a lot clothes. ALOT!
Being tied to the house the whole weekend.
Being tied to my downstairs where there is no carpet!
SUCCESS!
JEALOUSY FROM ALL OF YOU!

What did you spend $130 dollars on???!!! This does not include the Elmo Potty she got for Christmas or the insert I bought last month.

1. Seven pairs of stretchy, easy to pull down, leggings
2. Seven adorable matching shirts...I mean she still needs to be cute?!
3. Two 8-count packs of panties: Elmo and Minnie Mouse of course
4. A 6-pack of socks
5. A pair of crocs
6. A ton of stickers in her favorite shapes and characters
7. A few $5 dollar toys
8. Baby Alive Doll that pees

So I got the clothes for obvious reasons. No diapers=mess. Also I don't think she should be wearing jeans during this adventure. They are too hard to take on and off. The socks and shoes were a last minute epiphany as crap runs down hill and socks and shoes are included. The shoes are easy to clean, unlike pee soaked tennis shoes. The stickers and toys are rewards. A sticker for every time she pees or poos in the potty. I got extra to send to daycare. She loves stickers so I know this will work. The toys are for really good days. Or in case of emergency this weekend from house stir craziness. And lastly, the baby alive doll is for demonstration purposes.

Okay can I tell you about this doll? Please. First I really have been looking for a doll for over a month. That is some of the reason I didn't start earlier. But they are hard to find and they are freaking expensive. I went with the cheapest I could find which was $20. The one that pooped was $50 and the one recommended was almost $70. Puh-lease! Two of the ones I found were so creepy looking I couldn't even get them into my cart. So I settled on this semi creepy looking Baby Alive "Get better soon" doll. It didn't have a potty but I figured I could use Lily's little Elmo potty. But I took it out for a practice run last night and it is not easy to master. You have to basically give it drink on the potty as the liquid goes right through. Not easy but I am thinking she will get the picture. I felt like a perv holding my finger over her peehole to get the thing to potty before it leaked on me. So without further ado...creepy baby doll my friends.


Now you may say "Steph...she isn't that creepy." But she hasn't been looking at you with the creepy plastic eyes and she hasn't already peed on you. Real live demonstration pictures/videos to come.
I have to succeed now. Because if I don't my failure will be all over the Internet world. I expect you all to support me. And if I do fail to at least offer a chuckle while I am washing the poo off my face. I will do a follow up post for your personal viewing pleasure next week.....
And remember: It is so awesome to be bad ass. I ain't scared of no poop.

3 comments:

Sharla Collins February 24, 2010 at 2:42 PM  

I think this is my MOST FAVORITE BLOG POST EVER.

I was laughing from start to finish. And I am giving you a bad-ass blogger award for using the phrases Bad Ass, Balls to the Wall, and "I ain't scared of no poop" (am I the only one singing the Ghostbusters song in my head now?!? haha).

Seriously --- I will be sending you good potty vibes :) And you will have to share your pro advice for when it's my go-round :)

Alice February 24, 2010 at 2:57 PM  

Good luck! I am too lazy to deal with all of the potty issues right now. I am going to let the school handle it and go from there. I do NOT do well with bodily functions and excretions anyways!

pinkflipflops February 24, 2010 at 6:51 PM  

Good luck!! Sounds like a great plan and I am so glad that your daycare is so supportive1