My Husband the Absent Minded Plumber

>> Monday, June 08, 2009

Imagine this: You're sitting on your couch relaxing thinking about taking a nap because your husband is watching NASCAR which ranks right up there with golf for TV watching. The baby is playing, all is good. You glance up and see two water spots on the ceiling. Que screeching halt to calming background music.

MICHAEL...did you leave the water on upstairs LOOK! Like a deer in headlights he sits there. WELL GO CHECK!!!! No sense of urgency he goes up stairs comes back down and says no. But he did have the garden tub filled up with bleach water so he could clean it. Just so you know that is a lot of water if that thing is full! Well did you drain UGHHHH! I ran upstairs and throw some toys in Lily's crib and set her in it. Que screaming baby and run into the bathroom to drain the tub. Then I hear STEPH! Something is VERY wrong. Que cuss words. I touched the sealing and now water is draining into the living room. I run downstairs get a bucket throw it under the leak and head to the main water valve. This situation is quickly going downhill. I drained the lines but that didn't stop the leak. So Michael being all gungho decides he needs to cut into the ceiling to stop the leak. It is obviously coming from something in the Master Bath. By now I notice a water spot in the hallway as well. Michael gets the drill and drills a hole in the ceiling and water starts quickly draining out. To me it seemed like a LOT of water. He claims it wasn't that much. Let's put it this way it was more than I like to see draining out of my ceiling.

So then he starts getting cut happy. With a butter knife. Seriously? But whatever at least it wasn't my good knives. But the leak wasn't there. So he cuts again. But the leak wasn't there either. Then he cuts a huge strip down the side and the leak wasn't there. By the way the baby is still screaming upstairs. And I am having heart attack. I have like fifty people coming in two weeks for a birthday party and my living room is going to have a skylight to the Master Bathroom Toilet! I am sticking pots under stuff to catch water there is drywall everywhere. This is bad. Real bad. Finally after our friend Glen came over we stopped the leak and figured out it was definitely the garden tub but not sure what in the tub. The he says well I didn't have to cut into the ceiling I could have went through the back of the closet to get to the tub. WHAT!!!! On top of that we still don't really know what's going on and we need a plumber. And a drywall man. And now a divorce lawyer or maybe just a defense lawyer to get me off on insanity charges if he turns up murder with a butter knife.