Flawed Life: Has my marriage turned to childish antics?

>> Thursday, August 06, 2009

My first edition to Flawed Life. More specifically...Flawed Marriage. I always wonder if one day I am going to get a posting on my blog from Michael threatening divorce for devulging too much on my blog...Luckily he loves me! I hope you enjoy and let me know if you think the feature should continue to be a part of our postings...or if it really is TMI! Michael your vote doesn't count :)

I lay in bed wondering what just happened? After a five minute argument involving me saying “no” to love making for what my husband probably views as the millionth night in a row my “I love you” was returned with a raspberry. Yes a raspberry. The childish act we find ourselves doing with our toddlers. My toddler has been doing it since she was about five months old. She always thought it was funny…especially while eating her sweet potatoes. Her raspberries were often answered with chuckles from Daddy and Mommy and in return we would receive a toothless smile. But this particular raspberry deserved no chuckle. Is this what might my marriage has become? When I love yous start being reciprocated with raspberries we must ask ourselves. What came first…The childishness or the child?

I can testify that my husband has grown up quite a bit since the birth of our little girl. Maybe even since the pregnancy. Battling a rough pregnancy of exhaustion that never let up he picked up all the extra house duties that I normally handled. They may not have been done the way I wanted but for once I didn’t push it or maybe I just didn’t care enough at that point to complain. He took care of me and cooked more than I can ever remember. Only occasionally did he snap under the added responsibility, but don’t we all? My husband still fights for those responsibility free days. Whether it is drinking with his buddies, tailgating football games, staying out until two in the morning- he longs for the good ol’ days. The same days I give up willingly to going to bed at nine and reading a good book. Maybe it is something he will never grow out of. Maybe it is a guy thing. Maybe it is why I love him so much.

But I will not defend this action because in my heart it hurt. I know that he really wants the affection. I know I really want the sleep. But as he got out of bed to go downstairs and watch TV I was left mystified. When did it become okay to act like this? The answer? It isn’t. It is never okay! I forgave him by the end of the next day….I admit I hold grudges. The whole “don’t go to sleep mad” advice never stuck in our household. I am pretty sure he stayed mad as well. But we let it go. It is not the social definition of communicating but we both got the hint. Neither of us apologized, because neither of us feel we should apologize for the way you feel. It is your right as a person whether that person be a child or an adult.

The truth is we must grow up. We must learn to communicate, and all of this while we are adding more and more responsibility. I guess the answer to my question is the childishness. For we all once were children. I think we forget that at times. And in times of stress or emotional interactions maybe we resort back to our childish antics to communicate our hurt. But what kind of example is that to our daughter? I am not sure but when I tell her ‘no’ and she responds with a ‘raspberry’ I don’t know how effective ‘I’m telling your Daddy’ will be.