Lessons for Lily

>> Saturday, April 02, 2011

There are a few things that every woman should know. One of the top five is how to hover over a toilet seat. I am not sure when this talent develops. I am sure it is restricted by height. So I was probably twenty. Okay I am exaggerating. Maybe nineteen...before I was tall enough to hover. But there are many uses of this talent.

1. To avoid STDs, crabs, other people's urine and general grossness of public restrooms or worse portapotties!
2. Tailgate peeing. No toilet involved, same talent.
3. To avoid a cold toilet seat at all costs.

So the other day Lily was in the potty and as I walked by I saw her sitting down. As her bottom hit the seat her little face squished up and this is the conversation that followed

Lily: "Mommy? Why the toilet seat cold?"
Me: "Learned that the hard way didn't you Lily?"
Lily:  :Dissappointed: "Yeah my booty booty is cold"
Me: "Reason number 1001 that is sucks to be a girl.."
Lily: "face still squished: "Brrrrrr"

Here is to teaching Lily this valuable life lesson in the years to come. It comes in handy in the middle of the night, in public restrooms, and in our guest bathroom where the toilet seat is just a little wobbly. Don't worry you only have fifteen more years until your tall enough. I apologize for that gene by the way. Until then I recommend learning how to not squish up your face like that when you hit the seat. That leads to this annoying wrinkle in between Mommy's eyebrows and her desire for botox. But that lesson is for another day and is reason 1002 that is sucks to be a girl.